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| I swear, this is what my University turns into when it rains hard. Thank you, Climate Change. |
Foreign monsters are so overrated; so overrated that you think Philippine pantheon of ghost stories and monsters are nothing but a clumsy joke compared to them. You might be the type of person who chuckles every time you see an aswang, a kapre, a dwende, white ladies or sloppy pop-culture references on Philippine national TV and the Big screen. But since it is Halloween season, allow me to show you the pure, unadulterated terrors of the Philippine myth and urban legends that can join the ranks of Lovecraft’s eldritch abominations...
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| and heroin-induced children's TV shows |
7. Busaw
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| No animals were harmed at the taking of this photo. |
Tristram is a real place, and it is called the Philippines. It’s filled with disgusting, filthy undead creatures that are trying to eat us. One remarkable example of these abominations is the Busaw. Although they look like normal people in appearance (like Vampire Masquerade: Bloodlines ghoul), these creatures that resemble a ghoul are known to feed on human flesh. They are ghouls in human clothing (you see what I did there?).
Although these guys are not notorious for necessarily attacking people (as far as we know, yet), what they do love is, stealing corpses. These fuckers are digging graves, taking dead bodies, and replacing them with a banana tree trunk (like a ninja, yeah… like a ninja). Oh and that’s not the worst part, they are capable of turning these dead fellas into a---wait for it---a pig (Goes to show you that even in the realm of the underworld, Filipinos just can't let go of their love for lechon ). You see where this is going, right? (and no, not the one that involves handcuffs and pantyhoses). They will cook something out of this miserable magic swine and share it to his neighbors, which might be, let’s say, you. So, if I were you, I'd be extra careful by the next town fiesta.
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| Hannibal Lecter could learn a thing or two from Busaws |
6. Amalanhig
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| M-m-yyy... skin ointment...ugh. |
Amalanhig are a type of aswang who failed to transfer their powers to others. They are dead already, although for some reasons, their frustration grants them the ability to rise from their grave and continue their douchebaggery by biting people on the neck, killing them in the process.
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| and feeling sexy at the same time |
According to the stories, in order to escape these fuckers, you have to run in zigzag direction because these fellas are only able to walk in a straight path due to their stiff body (they are dead, remember? duh!). They are also afraid of water (for now) so you can breathe a sigh of relief if there’s a river nearby. They are basically the zombies of the Philippine myth; although the only way of transmitting the amalanhig abilities, or power, or curse, or whatever you call it, is through a blackstone or agimat which they only hand over their children. This means that there is no way for us to turn into one of them if we are not a member of their family… yet. However, the best way to acquire their abilities is for you not to take a shower for at least a month.
5. Matruculan
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| Better CGI than the movies round these parts. |
So let’s say you’re a virgin woman, just minding your own virgin stuffs and shits. Until this one night came when someone entered your dark room while you were sleeping and came furiously above you in your bed, rendering you helpless and terrified. Then, after a long pause of sheer horror and inquisitiveness about this odd stranger that is pressing you hard on your uncomfortable position; you felt something, something delicate, and sensual; it drove you so weary… so weary that you fell asleep again..
Later on after a few weeks, or months, you felt something wrong about your virgin body. So you went to the hospital, only to find out that you are… pregnant.
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| I thought I was just sleepsturbating, just like I always do |
Congratulations unfortunate woman! You are a victim of Matruculan (or just a simple rapist, but let’s save the standard logical deduction for later discussions). This abomination, also known as “fetish ghoul” (great idea for exotic porn directors out there), impregnates virgin women and eats their fetus later on, killing the mother in the process (in other versions, they also eat the mother, another coin for hardcore porno stuff). And the only way to prevent this guy from getting near the pregnant women is to swing a butterfly knife (balisong) above her belly while she is in labor (for some reasons, they did not find a way to prevent this monster from raping the virgin ladies in the first place, another proof that this monster’s tale of existence has a strong connection on the adult film industry).
4. Pugot Mamu
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| Your typical Wallstreet Pugot. Classy. |
Deep inside, we can’t deny that we hate kids. Those jerks are stupid and demanding. They couldn’t even take care of themselves. They don’t even have a job to support their basic needs. They don’t even give a fuck about Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time. And I believe that there are other myriad reasons why this next guy brought his hatred to the extremes.
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| Yeah! as if you would understand seinfield's humor, jerks |
Pugot mamu is known as the boogeyman of the Philippines. He is a headless guy (as the name indicates), like his regular, less interesting pop star cousin Pugot. However, there are some major differences between them. Unlike the regular Pugot, who is only a ghost that loves to scare the bejesus out of us, Pugot Mamu is flesh and bones, so fuck this guy already. What’s worse? well, I’m in a bit of dilemma here if I’ll call this one worse because his prey are children; and when I say prey, what I mean is that he kills children by eating them (And now please, I implore you, take your mind of the gutter. I don't want to deal with those lawsuits again!). But Marcus, that’s bullshit! He does not have head. He can’t eat? Do you really want to find out? Well, you asked for it, what can I do? He eats children by swallowing them whole, through his, guess what: through the hole in his neck, where his head is supposedly attached. Just when you think abusive parents are abusive enough.
3. Batibat
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| Yes, I still hide under my sheets even as an adult. |
Well, nightmares are scary already because, well… they’re nightmares. So what could top that one? Of course! Their mother!
Batibat is a vengeful demon that is scary in many ways. She is a demon, that’s the first one. Two, she lives in a tree, I don’t know but using the term tree-dweller as an adjective makes it scary for some reasons. Three, she is the reason why we all have nightmares but that is not the worst part. The scariest trait of this scumbag is that she’s fat! She is fat and she is using her fat body as her weapon!
According to the story, batibat is known to attack a person who unwittingly trespasses on her territory by sleeping under a tree where she resides. So how does she deal with this kind of situation? Well, by sitting on that person’s chest until he/she suffocates (thus, it creates nightmares); Rikishi style. And hence, this is where the Filipino concept of 'bangungot' came about.
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| batibat during mating season |
2. Amomongo
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If you are looking for something that clings on the purgatory between myth and reality, then here it is. Amomongo is a creature described as a man-sized ape with long damn nails for let’s say, killing stuffs. This residence of La Castellana in Negros Occidental calls this creature “wild monkey” which lives on the caves on the foot of Mount Kanlaon. You might be thinking why I am quite specific on this shit right here. Well, according here and here, this creature was said to attack two dudes and disemboweled a few animals on their area. That part alone would prolly instill fear on your insides already. But that is not the scary part.
According to the witnesses, this creature only attacks whenever there is no village guards roaming around the area; which leave us to think that this creature is smarter than we’re expecting when it compared to the regular primates. This particular detail left us here in The Random Letter Seven on thinking that this stuff might be true after all:
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| It's not sorcery, it's science. |
1. Dila
Fuck it! I’m done here! Dila is a spirit that passes through the bamboo flooring of provincial houses, then licks people to certain death. That’s all we know about this dangerous fucker. Just be careful for chrissake.
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| What's worse than dying in pain, my dear? |
About Busaw, click here. To find out more about Amalanhig, click this one. See the stuffs about Matruculan here. You wanna know where i got my things about Pugot Mamu? click this one. Batibat is here. Amomongo is right here and here and here. dila is this one.
