The Crisis in Venezuela and Social Media

When I woke up to check my email on an odd, cold morning, there was this temptation to watch Jessica Bangkok’s pussy gets pounded [insert YouJizz clip here]. And that no matter how I try to fucking resist her, the bitch won’t just let me go.  I’m not saying that this happens all the time, but, you know, men sometimes are literally cocky during mornings. Anyway, with all the temptation and, yeah, hardness, it didn’t go the way you and I expected it to be–the up and down thingy. Well, thanks to this “social media addiction,” one just can’t simply start his/her day without knowing what the fuck is happening in Facebook or Twitter.  So, there I was, stoked to see how many likes my goddamn status had received.

My Realization Toward Christianity (And Probably Yours Too)

First off, we really apologize if took us ages to write a new article. We've been very busy partying, smoking and banging chicks for the last couple of months. Just kidding! We actually were just watching movies and playing video games because, yeah, we’re a bunch of fucking anti-social geeks.  Now, listen up kids, because we are about to share something cool, something that will enlighten you as a human being.  So, please, if you may gather up and alt-F4 that fucking porno tab –you don’t want Maria Ozawa disturb us during the most enlightening moment of your life. Don’t you?

An Antidote for the (Philippine) Media's Mind Poison

So, it seems like everybody’s freaking out (the whole Philippines in particular), ‘cause yeah, Vhong Navarro got decked by a bunch of guys in a condo unit on January 22, this year. The media says that Mister Suave was invited by Deniece Cornejo A.K.A his “friend” to “hang out” in her condo unit. Vhong, probably hoping he’s gonna get some, hastily went to the condo unit. By the time he arrived, he must’ve had an evil grin on his face, thinking that Deniece was an easy bitch and he’s “SupahPapalicious” [Insert SupahPapalicious image here].

Image source: memegenerator.net

Random Band of the Week: In Aurora's Eyes

Well, last time we shared a couple of internationally-known artists (which includes the itchy, bitchy Justin Bieber) in our website that we think are worthy of your attention. This 2014, we firmly believe that it is the right time for you to tear down those Miley Cyrus posters and stop listening to Taylor Swift's songs about her ex-boyfriends because nobody gives a fuck nowadays. 

Looks Don't Matter (A.K.A. You're-Ugly-But-I-Love-You-Anyway)

"Looks don't matter." What a beautiful thing to say, and much more to hear from your lover, especially when you weren't blessed with drop-dead gorgeous looks. It makes one feel truly loved, appreciated, accepted, and fuzzy and tingly on the inside. It makes one think "Gee, how lucky I am to be loved by this beautiful motherfucker when I look like I could play Smeagol minus all the CGI!"

      Image source: www.fz09.org

Misery Miss

Let me tell you about a game I play
Where I close my eyes and fade away

Top 7 Highest International Support Received by the Philippines

As of  today, with the help of mass media, many of us are no longer in the dark about the devastation that typhoon Haiyan that inflicted the Filipino people, especially in those hard hit areas like Tacloban City. The catastrophe that struck is certainly beyond comprehension, if only there was an All-Loving and All-Powerful God who could have prevented all this, but that's besides the point.

Jean-Claude Van Damme's Epic Split on Volvo Trucks and Why Steven Seagal Should be Scared

Let's say, you woke up one day, chanted your morning prayer and decided, "Hey, fuck this. I want to know how to split." Well, it's indeed a silly idea to ever think about especially on a dull Monday morning. But hey, you can't blame yourself if last night you fucking dreamed of a  gymnast. Yes, I just fucking dreamed of a big fucking gymnast with a fucking mustache. Oh, was that Freddie Mercury? Nah, I don't think so. Anyway, thanks to my gymnastic-fantasies I came to discover this viral video of Jean-Claude Van Damme teaching Steven Seagal how to do an out of this world roundhouse kick.

                                                                                      Rama Screen

And he also taught Stevie how to eat a rattle snake. Yum

The Night I Saw Mrs. Dhumavati Burn to Ashes

So, you really think that Miley Cyrus’ ass, which looks like a raw chicken that your mom prepares to cook for dinner, is the weirdest shit you've ever seen since you existed here on this good Earth? Or let’s say last Valentine’s Day was unforgettable yet strange because you happened to date the Unicorn of your dreams, and that you nearly drown your bed with piss. Well, not really. We know, however, that Miley’s butt deserves better recognition than Unicorns. You think so? Oh well, nevermind. Anyway, gather around, go grab some beers (or sodas for all you Jailbaits out there) and maybe some chicken lollipops as well, and hear what Uncle Felix has to say.

                                                                                                           Key Ingredient

Yes, 100% Miley's and just to be clear I'm Asian, not black.

My Epitome of a Doppelganger

I’m wearing an evident red mask

Detours: Jad Montenegro's 2nd Extended Play (EP)

After what seemed like forever, Jad Montenegro is finally back with their second EP, Detours, released earlier this year. Jad Montenegro is a Davao-based self-titled band composed of Jad Montenegro (guitar, vocals), Dave Ibao (guitar, backing vocals), Eric Luzada (lead guitar), PjoeSabanpan (bass) and Carlo Garcia (drums, backing vocals). Even in this day and age, the substantial feeling of being able to hear and listen to the soul of a song lies on the romance that plunking on the strings of an acoustic guitar can give. Jad Montenegro proved this premise de facto as they integrate an interplay folk-sounding guitar riffs and dynamic drum patterns to create a more intimate but non-boring approach. Their six track second EP, Detours, is great for any indie music lover out there who has an old soul.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        Photo by: Kirvy Waga

The first EP Track Over gives you that chill country vibe which is a suggestive way to start off an album that aims to detour from mainstream media’s usual sound. It is a great track and can easily become a favorite to a first time listener. Another groovy song called Complicated follows, and the upbeat mood is sustained. This song is an interesting mix of Kitchie Nadal-esque voice quality perfectly combined with a background instrumentals that somehow resemble that of The Naked and Famous creation. The clapping effect incorporated somewhere in the middle of the song which is accompanied by subtle drumbeats is also quite a unique idea. It is a smooth rhythm that makes you want to bob your head and take in the beat entirely. Dreamer and Guitarman on the other hand, which are a little mellower compared to the previous songs, and are mostly just accompanied by guitar shows off Jad’s unruffled and cool vocals.

Sa'less: An Underground Haven

What started out as a small karinderia in a street surrounded by banks, coffee shops and just a few blocks away from Sta. Ana Church is now considered, if not the only, one of Davao’s most visited music bars. After Moonstamp in Matina and Durian Bar in Quirino, (which music enthusiasts considered “the music bar” of the early 2000’s) both shut down for business and Taboan in Matina Town Square now usually showcasing show bands, Sales Bar is considered the place where musicians with their fan boys and fan girls all get together to bond over beer and music.

Sa'less crowd on the brink of a mosh pit.

Sa'less Diner and Moozika opened for business in around mid of 2010. Located in Sales Street just near Chimes, Sales Bar Tekanplor once was a small time eatery by day and an improvised music bar by night just to be found beside the present Sales Bar building. Owned by Mr. and Mrs. Moshe Papica, their cousin Paolo Papica and RJ Tan, Sales Bar was only visited by people looking for budget-friendly everyday food during daylight. As the sun goes down the eatery turns into an improvised music bar with instruments for the owners Moshe’s and Paolo’s band mates and friends.“Syempre, mga music lovers kami, and so we started to form our own band. Since we already have our own place, so why not play in our own place diba? So karinderya sya by day, and inuman slash music bar by night.” Since then, Sa'less evolved from being a mere eatery to a chill hangout where various artists have been invited over the place to play and freely expose their craft.

Gracias Adios!

Tack Farväl
takket farvel
Merci au revoir
χάρη αντίο

Благодаря свидания

شكرا لك وداعا

zahvaljujući zbogom

Salamat Paalam

Reader, I don't know who you are and you don't know me and we may never know each other in this lifetime or in this Universe but whatever that is bothering you, whatever that's causing you pain and trouble, whatever that's giving you stress and burden, whether it's you who should be carrying that burden or not, be it minute or tremendously huge, be it past, present or future, be it your spouse, your lover, your secret lover, your work, school, children, responsibilities to your self, to your family. Emotions you need to suppress. Rules and regulations and more rules and regulations you have to fucking follow, like who the fuck made them anyway? To the Society that gives you all of these expectations. 

They Call it Throwback Thursday, I Call it Random Shit Thursday

                                                                                                               Only The Beat

Ah, it’s Thursday! And since its Thursday, well, people have another excuse to post more on social media sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Why? Because it’s Throwback fucking Thursday. Yay! Yes, this is the only day of the week where you have the liberty to post pictures from a “while” ago or “few years back” when you still mingle with dinosaurs and shit. Of course, you would defeat its purpose if you post pictures of tomorrow or the not-so-distant future (and hell would really break loose if you happen to post one) or if you share it on a Monday. Oh, before I forgot, I really wonder whose brilliant mind has thought of Throwback Thursday. He could have used Wednesday or Sunday. Nah, Thursday sounds legit because both terms start with a letter T. Anyway, because I’m not a Throwback Thursday practitioner, I’d rather acquaint a new term to this practice – “Random Shit Thursday.” But hey, this only applies to me, and I don’t expect you to do the same shit. After all, you’re still busy scanning old photos of yourself for this weekly celebration.

                                                                                                               Jacaranda FM
WTF! Fast forward Thursday, please. Fast forward!

If you want to jump into the Culprits’ bandwagon, however, you have my permission. So yeah, if you might ask: What does “Random Shit Thursday” in-store for me? It’s simple, and there’s nothing too serious about it. You just need to have William Wallace’s long drape skirt as well as his braveness to expose what random shit happened to you on that day. And when you decide to showcase it already, you don’t need hashtags at all. Hence, you have freed yourself from the confines of the Number Sign (#). Congratulations! On the other hand, you have the freedom to choose from photos (which definitely requires a high level of courage, like King Leonidas’), articles and things of such nature to serve as mediums for your “Random Shit Thursday.”

There Was Once A Man Named Manny Pacquiao

Ah, I remember Pacquiao during his prime. He was not only just another champion boxer but to the Filipinos he was the unifying factor of the nation, ah, the good ol’ heydays, crime rates go down significantly whenever he had a fight (in some places it even goes down to zero).  Small restobars to large hotels and other business (legit or political in nature) got good dough from Pay-Per-View. Endorsements go left and right which was awesome for large scale industries. Pacquiao could sway a multitude; heck he could sway the Devil himself if he wanted to. Plus, almost every guy on the street became an instant professional sports analyst whenever a Pacquiao fight was near. Remember those days? Ah , they were never better. You know, never have I seen such a man that was revered by an entire nation like some sort of a god I almost sort of wonder why he’s not in one of our bills yet. And yeah, can anyone tell me why, why haven’t we still carved a monument of him out of bronze and placed him next to Rizal in Luneta or sumshit?

                                                                                                          Babble

I want this particular image of him be immortalized in bronze. It captures the true emotion for triumph.

Rip-off the Foreign Shows: The Filipino Way (Infographic)

Needless to say, a movie's success, no matter what genre it belongs, usually depends on how the story goes. Most, if not all, of the human beings around the world fall in love to a movie's plot or storyline rather than the other surrounding elements. As for the present time, however, gone are the days when movie enthusiasts care to judge a film based on the effects (CGI) and/or the kind of actors/actresses that are present (take for example the Twilight installments). Each day, we learn to devour "the real meat" rather than fixing our eyes on the external layer.

                                                                                                                 ManilaRules

"Desperate Housewives, right? OH FUCK!"

How Social Media Sites Can Kick Your Balls During Job Application

If you’re the type of person who uploads unsightly selfies in Instagram, loathsomely tweets in Twitter and/or posts obnoxious statuses in Facebook then, you should be thinking twice by now. According to Eurocom Worldwide, a global PR specializing in high tech businesses, technology industry executives utilize social media profiles in deciding whether to kick the ass of an applicant or give them the certificate that says, “You’re fucking hired, dude.” Yes, believe it or not, your fate in getting that dream job of yours is usually based on your online persona (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc.). In other words, your everyday clamor on these social media sites could make or break your odds in getting hired. Now, that’s really some pain in the ass.

Top 7 Reasons Why Philippine Cinema is Awesome

sit back relax and enjoy the show

All hail the Philippine Cinema! Check out the meat of our beloved film and TV industry! 

The Paradox of Life

As I welcomed the morning dew after a very tiring battle at work, I realized that, in one way or another, beneath every soul living on this planet, is the inevitable paradox we have to live with. Sadly, my two cents, we can't alter its existence.

"You are doomed to make choices. This is life’s greatest paradox."

—Wayne Dyer 

I hate it when others call me fat, but I love the luxury of stuffing food in my stomach. I hate it when my mom gives me plethora of errands, but, from time to time, I beg money from her. I hate it when I used to get low grades at school, but I love to waste my night partying with sober people. I hate it when my knowledgeable professors scold me for not coming early, but I love waking up late. I hate it when my dog barks so fucking loud that I want to slaughter him, but l love the fact that he saved my ass just last week. I hate it when my articles turn out to be plain futile, but I love sloppy writing. I hate it when, in just a couple of days, I’m totally broke after receiving my salary, but I love spending my money recklessly. 

Zamboanga Conflict: Why the MNLF Did What They Did

I understand that most of the articles here have rather light topics but please allow me to digress for this one because after all, this site has the word ‘Random’ in it.

                                                                                                                                                                                             Solarnews.ph